It’s 5:20 AM and while many admirable people are awake at this hour on a regular basis expending calories and refueling with a protein rich breakfast, I am not. I should be sleeping, but instead I’m lying awake in the dark (minus the glow of my monitor) listening to the fan as I think about how I got here. Aren’t thoughts a funny thing and our train of thinking even stranger? I’ve been in bed, sick with covid, since Wednesday and today’s the first day that I feel more good than bad. I wasn’t surprised to learn that I had covid since I’ve been surrounded by sick germs all month.
I say the name “Pauline” like Seinfeld says “Newman” since she is the culprit behind by bedridden weekend. She’s a blasé Dutchie who comes to class when she has the energy for nothing else, and last week, for the second time this block, Pauline came to class hardly able to sit upright. Of course, that was the day that I was doing more than just lecturing. Of course, that was the day I passed out and recollected handouts throughout the class to offer students helpful feedback for their upcoming exam. Of course, I got her nasty-ahh germs all over my hands, and now I’m sitting here in bed in my polka dot robe trying to catch up with my thoughts as they race beyond the grasp of my fuzzy covid brain.
I close my laptop momentarily and sit in the darkness trying to reconnect my thoughts. They were connected at one point, but now I can’t seem to jump from this Lilypad to the next. In the darkness I decide that I should be thanking Pauline instead of cursing her. These extended days of lying in bed have led me to a bit of clarity although at the moment I can’t remember about what exactly. I do know, however, that it got me writing again. So, thank you, Pauline.
I think of my meaningful, defining yet unfinished projects in life and my excuses for their incompletion. I tell myself life itself is a legitimate excuse. Who has time to do extra “projects” when you’re raising a family, working, trying to stay healthy, and just keeping your head above water at times? Stop being so hard on yourself. And then I wonder if I’m just going to let “living” pass me by because I’m too busy with life? Or is it the other way around? Shouldn’t I at least try to finish those not nearly completed projects? But the immediate and reasonable answer is no, not yet. I’ll have time down the road…I cross my fingers.
In the meantime, I’ll just start a new project. That sounds like a fabulous idea! Then I’ll be ready and in-practice for when it IS time to revisit the old projects…which I seriously have every intention of completing. Someday. Now how do I start a blog?
Leave a Reply